dear blog,

I’m hungry. I’ve thrown up all my food since Sunday and now it’s Wednesday 😦 But I ate a bagel tonight and it’s stayed down so far! I’m really thankful for my boss. She’s like a mother to me. And my coworkers. Today I watched them laughing about something and I thought “how lucky am…

hold up.

Tonight I wanted to write in my journal again. I haven’t wanted to write in it for a long time because I’ve been so disappointed in myself. I went back and started reading entries from about a year ago. On February 2nd, 2017 I was sitting in a Heine Brothers, worrying about my financial situation…

this year

cannot possibly be worse than last year, as last year was possibly the worst in my life. this year I will seek out happiness, and reasons to be joyful. I will deal with my anger and not let it define me. I don’t want to be angry. angry will never equal free. this year I…

Thursday

Men have this idea in their head that doing nice things for a woman gets her to sleep with you. This is absolute bullshit. Doing nice things for a woman is simply that – doing a nice thing. If you are doing that thing with a sexual motive in mind, you are not actually doing…

it

took way too long in my life to realize I don’t like men, like, at all.

lol

you’re so absorbed in your own misery you don’t even know how to be respectful of other people anymore. and you’re blind even to that. your pit just goes deeper and deeper. you’ve got yourself trapped, don’t you?

it’s not such a bad thing,

you know, if someone makes you happy. there’s a reason we have friends and families. people bring joy into other people’s lives. so if you find someone, and they do that for you, I don’t think it’s such a bad thing. I’d actually call it good. and there aren’t so many good things left in…

the earth is breathing

you know how you breathe? well the earth breathes too. in the same way your nose and your mouth pull in the oxygen around you, the earth inhales and she captures the moon, her dusty blue cloak is pulled even tighter, she takes in everything around her. she inhales and her tides draw up around…

san diego

I like that it gets cold, but never colder. I like that I can see palm trees dressed in lights while Christmas music plays. I like that I can see the ocean whenever I want. I’m getting to know the waves. I like that near the coast it smells like campfire in the air. I…

all the same

guys suck. every single one of them. I’m so sick, sick to my core, of wishing I were wrong. you’re all kind of just the same …disappointing, predictable, simple, hungry, and, again, disappointing.

still

I’m still here. There’s just no one to talk to.

blind people don’t want to see

have you ever met someone so absorbed in their own sadness that they don’t even see how sad you are? how YOU might need something too? so self involved that they don’t ask you anything about your own life until they feel you’re annoyed with them? so stuck in their cycle of wallowing that they…