kentucky

I’m not sure what my parents did, but their three daughters are currently sitting two in California and one in Italy. That’s two thousand miles away times two and then another forty-eight thousand. I don’t know what you’d call that. But I’d say that Gary and Vicky knew a thing or two about adventure.

pulling threads

the memories aren’t sitting in my mind anymore. they’ve gone somewhere – some part of my brain that I didn’t know existed. some part I can turn on and off, almost at will. I say almost because I can definitely turn it on, but sometimes it’s harder to turn it off. like today, listening to…

I have exhausted myself

of feeling. and now this is where I am – I want nothing to do with what I seek to forget I think finally, finally I have reached a point of acceptance and I’m making a point of forgetting and it feels so good to not feel at all. never feel, never feel, never remember,…

dear reader

are you disappointed? I’m teaching myself how to move past my heartbreak unfortunately that requires an oppression of emotion a mental clamp on my heartstrings, a numbness of sorts so I apologize that I have nothing new for you but I am not sorry I have nothing new for me I know you’d gotten used…

they are not welcome here.

this is my declaration that I will not let these demons defeat me. and I will fight the spool of lies planted in my thoughts each day moments before I open my eyes. I will fight and when I feel that I’m losing I will take these demons onto a new battlefield one they have…

heavy

my mind is an evil I’ve never known. I wish I could sleep forever.

dream

I had a dream about you that we were in a hotel and you went to sleep in a bed all your own and I curled up in a bed all alone and I cried. and you got up and came over to me and you held me there you just held me. and I…

the nine moments I knew

I can tell you exactly when it happened. It was a series of precise moments When every moment before, and every moment to come rolled up together into that one. the first moment was the party we had together and I put on a black shirt and I made myself pretty and I went in…

this is messy but i dont care

when I say “I miss you” what I mean is this. I miss waking up at 2am because you came home from work and tried to come in quietly so I wouldn’t wake up. I miss watching scary movies that I never would have seen if you hadn’t wanted to watch them so bad it’s…

I’m different

now. I listen to jazz music because it’s the only kind of music that doesn’t make me think about you. I’m writing more because it’s the only way I know to cope with life without a you in it. And I drink at home now. never at the bars. I can’t bare to look at…

Bring me

closer to the embers. they are beautiful but they will burn